Laptops, like people, come in all shapes and sizes. You can get a large unit to replace a desktop, or a small one to fill in that niche between main machine and mobile phone. You can find machines that are clearly oriented towards casual browsing with a weak keyboard. And you can find small units that are practically all keyboard with a very small trackpad. You can even pick your choice of colors; and designs are becoming popular on many netbook and laptop models.

So, with such a widely varied market, what can you determine from the end choice a user has made in his or her computing gear? Join us as we present a very tongue-in-cheek look at what your laptop *could* be saying about you and your approach in life. And just as most things in life tend to do, individual experiences and mileage may vary.

Laptops - Size Matters

Size Matters

The Power Mongers

You have seen these monstrous notebooks perched on the tired legs of users everywhere at one time or another. These are the 17” screen big guys, that not only replace the desktop of yore – but they also do it with more screen real estate than the average desktop computer systems of the past 15 years. This laptop practically screams that the wielder of this instrument of mass computation is serious about their work. Expect the user to be deep in work, usually developing code or editing a video.

Of course, if they bought it just to have a big screen for viewing nice videos, then they are a poser. Harsh words, perhaps, but let the facts speak for themselves. But you can quickly tell the posers from the non-posers by a simple check – the more wear on the big machine, the more the chances are that they are serious about the hardware.

Posers simply get tired of lugging around the bigger machine, and it will not get a chance to get into that well used state. But don’t write off the poser completely, since they do have a nice screen to watch if the opportunity arises, and they are probably willing to share.

The standard 13” and 15” Laptop

The workhorse of the industry, the 15” laptop is found in all aspects of our modern life. This is the go-to notebook for the business crowd, and you will find these in most homes. This is the notebook that gets the work done, and more business decisions and manuscripts have been put together with this form than perhaps all other notebook sizes combined.

When you see a user with one of these, expect them to be focused on the job at hand… practically so. They are willing to compromise in order to get the work done, and they are motivated by one thing – the bottom line. They are results oriented, and their work is usually at the forefront of their machine.

The Netbook Crowd

The netbook users burst into the scene around2008,and they have apparently been breeding ever since. You will find these sleek little machines in coffeehouses to living rooms, and they have proven to be an invaluable tool in our data arsenal. But what can you expect from a netbook user?

Let’s start by examining the facts surrounding these machines. They are relatively cheap, rather durable, and quite portable. The netbook user, if seen out and about attached to one, is probably focused on staying connected to the outside world. These are the people that may have an online business or blog, and they are staying up on their stats, doing their social networking, and generally managing the world.

Laptop Appearance

Laptop Condition

The New Laptop

The user of the new laptop can be by nature a bit of a showoff. These are the holders of the shiny machines, with their keys fully embossed with complete characters, stainless screens that look too bright to be comfortable, and trackpads that still have a sheen.

These users exude, or at least attempt to exude, a position of affluence. But there is a dark side to these users, and expect their face to convey a bit of confusion or impatience. After all, they are using equipment that they are unfamiliar with, with possibly a brand new operating system that has been maliciously tweaked to hide familiar items in new and creative places. If you plan on working in a public area, steer clear of the new computer user – that is, unless you don’t find sighs and occasional mumbling distracting. Most do.

The Well Used Laptop

The well used laptop is a great thing – it should be shown as a badge of honor, to show that not only is this a quality piece of workmanship, but it has served its owner many times in the past and it is still continuing to do so. These users are the ones to ask if you have a problem, and sitting in a relative close position to them in the public area could probably only help in case the going gets rough. Make a mental note of their location as you take a seat for the exact opposite reasons that you would the new computer user.

The Antique Laptop

While the well used laptop is a badge of honor, the antique laptop is an example of the beast that should be put out to pasture. Tell-tell signs of this monstrosity include such things as PCMCIA wireless cards and a telephone line modem connection that has actually been used. These users are at the coffeehouse to drink coffee and check on their beanie baby auctions on Ebay (yes, they still use Ebay). They will be there for a while, mostly just waiting for their handful of screens to load.

If you want to get to know someone, these users are great to strike up a conversation with. Not only do they have the time to kill while their screen loads, they are also spared from any of the more pressing computing issues the rest of the crowd may be experiencing. You will find these folks a relaxed departure from the typical stressed computer user. But please be cautious – at the first hint of a technical question, the acceptable response is to feign death. It will take less time that explaining how to redo their MySpace page over dialup. The good news is that others in the room that have read this article will completely understand the situation, and they will try not to stare.

Style

Style is fast becoming an important component of today’s laptop market, and it is putting the “personal” into the personal computing (or so the TV ads tell me). As the market becomes more ubiquitous as to function, users are being swayed into selections based on the machine’s outward appearance and sense of expression.

Black, Grey and White Laptops

As time goes on, the users of the basic color laptop will probably be considered a business minded person that is more intent on function than expression. A lot of these users could use either a computer or a typewriter to do their job, but the typewriter is just too heavy to carry. While not every basic color user would fit into this category (at least not right now), it does not bode well for casual public use.

However, in the boardroom or scientific symposium, expect these computers to be at a premium, conveying a sense of official purpose usually delegated to small squads of black SUVs. In these environments the user will actually be empowered by the otherwise expressionless appearance, and it indicates a user that has their head into the game.

Colored Laptops

The colored laptop allows the user to state that they are using this computer for their own use. These users will not be found in the boardroom, but they can be found in the gathering rooms. These are personal computers, and if they are being used for business, they are more than likely being used by the small business owner.

Now, there is a glaring issue here that must be covered, and I present it as a warning. Ladies (and some men), please do not buy a pink laptop to take into the business world, no matter how trendy it might seem. Just don’t do it, and hopefully any explanation will not be needed here.

The Sticker Covered and Custom Painted Laptop

If there is a rebel component to the laptop world, this is it. The users of these laptops are divided between angst ridden students and burned out developers who are screaming to escape the mental cubicle. These users are no doubt colorful individuals to know, but in a cautious fashion.

However, if you in the market to buy a used laptop, treat this laptop as you would a used vehicle with all the fm stations preprogrammed to hard rock stations – move along, there are better choices out there with less wear and tear. But the user may be one of the most interesting characters at the local coffeehouse.

In conclusion, while it is impossible to not over-generalize when judging a person based on their laptop choices, it is interesting that there are certain trends that do seem to repeat. Everyone will know an exception to these generalizations, perhaps you are one. But it would be hard to argue that you don’t know anyone that fits the general pattern. And that makes the concept of your laptop speaking for you an interesting aspect of personal computing.